Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Hyundai Driver 101 - Lesson 47

Always have "Super Glue" on hand.

You know that feeling you get when you're in the right place at the right time? That warm sensation when you appear at the nick of time to save the day? Well, I love that; more so when the damsel in distress is a hot chick.

Well, on this particular day, the journey was long, traffic heavy and the drivers?  Standard for the Accra metropolis.
Journalist documenting driving conditions in Accra
The Ghana Police were marked by their absence (not that it would've made a difference if they were around) and yet , I and my noble steed battled the craziness on the road to reach THAT chick and save her from people more clueless than fisherman flying a plane with no pilot.
After attempting to build a house


Eventually, we made it ; rolling through the front gate with triumph and easing into the parking spot right infront of the place. Battle done, I called up to the damsel in distress to let her know that her Romeo and chariot awaited and down she came. Beaming with delight at the end of stress, work and annoying situations that my arrival symbolized, she sat in beside me and I started the engine to drive away; towards the gate and to the sunset (or at least anywhere with food and no traffic). So I roused my steed.

*spark*
vroom
THUNK!
I'm sure my situation was in the deleted scenes (kicks and punches included)
The noise hit like a wet towel to the face. The trip was long and hard and all I had to show for it now was a damsel in my passenger seat wondering if my laughter was a sign of me losing my grip on reality, and what that noise from my engine was. Even now typing this I sigh with the venting breath of a tired man after a long day. The noise was that of gas escaping from my engine after a sparkplug that yearned for the free life had ejected itself. To be honest, I wish it had launched itself right into orbit and maybe brought down a satellite.
It was gonna be like this only minus the flag
When you get a car like Snow White, expect the unexpected is a living mantra. NOTHING surprises you anymore. Tyres evicting air like non paying tenants, exhaust practicing it's bass voice and African drum experts in your suspension, Snow White will take you through every single mechanical fault a car is capable of. She was a 97 Hyundai Elantra. A so-so ride but one that had done many years of long hard graft; patched and sold to me to up the ante of abuse. So, being the "well prepared" and experienced workhorse I am, I rolled up my sleeves, found what tools were still in the glove compartment and stepped out to face the new challenger


Sparks Lee. Runs on Chuck Norriz and AMG engine blocks.



I was underestimated. A challenger should pose a challenge or it's just something in your way. A weed to be stomped. And stomp it I did. It was simple enough, find the culprit, and screw it back into line and test. Of course it did it again so out came my secret weapon.

Right weapon, wrong application
Liberally apply "super glue" around the screw grooves of the trouble maker and shove it deep into that dark slippery hole like a talented spelunker (canary optional). Then spend the time waiting for it to set, convincing the damsel that all is well, the noble steed needs a few moments of fresh air. She was no airhead so the conversation was long and interesting enough to guarantee that the glue set to a standard used in submarines and space travel. In my mind at least. And so came the test.
Due to time constraints, I couldn't resort to Standard Test 4B (variation pictured above)

With the car carefully aimed purely by chance at the glass doors of her office and the bonnet safely wide open, I turned on the engine and revved away. VROOM, VROOOOMMMM like I was challenging the doors to a race. Of course I was waiting for the sparkplug to launch itself through the glass and make this story more interesting till I at-least reach the lawsuit section but no. My brilliant ingenuity held out.
Superglue United 1 - 0 Sparklug

Of course it blew out again after a week but hey what did you expect?


6 comments:

  1. Huzzah for Superglue!!! Think you should put up a disclaimer though, that the car should be driven to a mechanic right after setting the spark plug in place.

    Can't believe you left it in there for a week! Did you really think it would be a permanent fix at the time? LOLOL

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  2. u mess up oh chale

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  3. @Daixy: Of course I left it in for a week. It worked didn't it? No I didn't think it'd be a permanent fix but I racked the miles.

    @Anonymous: You expected different?

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  4. Of course clueless @Anonymous did not know better. Actually expecting u not to be so... Kai! Ignorance is sweet. Btw @Daixy, par for the course to treat a temp patch as a permanent fix. Worry not, Snow White has suffered far more indignities

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  5. @ Madjetey, I still can't believe you did that. Good thing is, this blog will be online forever and your grandkids will get to see how nutty their gramps was ;)

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  6. @G.E.A.R. I take it you've actively interacted enough times with Snow White and @madjetey to deliver this apt description? In my experience, the way men treat their cars is directly translated into how they treat their women and kids. I can picture madjetey coming up with a fixit for diaper rash stead of visiting the doc/grandma :P

    The worst my car has suffered is my driving about for a week with my lighter handing out of its socket. Now I'm looking for new tyres lol

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