Wednesday, November 20, 2013

I don't feel the need for speed

It all starts here:

And I'll be frank.  I can't be bothered about this movie at all.  I was planning on tweeting these objections but I've got a quite few.  Actually rounding it right back, my complaint boils down to 1 thing:

Why tie this movie to the Need for Speed franchise?

I keep watching the trailer and can't help thinking about Fast and Foolishness Furious and sometimes Transformers.  Actually, speaking of Transformers, here's a Need for Speed movie I'd rather watch, done by Michael Bay:
Wouldn't you rather watch that?  Now allow me to labour my points.

1. What is Need for Speed (NFS) about?
Any gamer will tell you it's about cars.  Fast cars.  Recognizable (and some more obscure brands) driving fast in reckless civilian endangerment on public roads.  Maybe the recent titles done by Criterion have added a more chaotic feel with more speed emphasis, crashes and absolute automotive mayhem but that's the proven formula.

This movie isn't that.  The cars and racing have taken a back seat to a classic Hollywood revenge story.  Complete with a love interest and dependable and/or funny black best friend shoehorned in.  If they called it Need for Revenge: Incidental Automotive Candy or Speeding to a Standard Hollywood Conclusion: We'll Crash Some Cars (movie naming isn't my strength), I wouldn't have batted an eye. But they called it Need for Speed.  I'm struggling to see a solid connection between what I know the franchise to be about and this movie.

Consider this.  There are over 20 main NFS games out of those, no more than 5 have a plot.  That said, said plots aren't deeper than race this person and that person till you've raced them all and won in a variety of fast and good looking cars.

2. As a movie supposedly based on cars, it's weak
If I need to tell you my dear reader that I'm a car fan and a gamer, I'd also advise you to get a drink and take a nap because you must be tired.  In any case, allow me to say that I'm a frothing-at-the-mouth-I-want-to-be-a-host-on-Top-Gear-and-Drive car fan.  The type that will see an E92 BMW M3 drive past and will ogle it till I embed my Golf's bumper into the car in front of me.  The type that will see a Lamborghini Gallardo come up behind me and pull over to allow his lordship to jet past (this actually happened).  So I know my cars (mostly) and that's why it confuses me to no end to see the main character use a Ford Mustang to enter this massive race.  Now, in that trailer I see in the same race a Bugatti Veyron SuperSport, McLaren P1, Koeningsegg, Lamborghini Sesto Elemento, and GTA Spano.

You watch the above links and see if this Mustang can compete.  Granted, the movie producers and director can do and say what they want, it is their movie after all but please have some respect for car marques.  I'm not saying that a 900 horsepower Mustang doesn't exist.  Chris Kusi of Auto Jewelling LTD, Dzorwulu owns this Ford Mustang SVT Cobra:

Last time I checked, it's engine was pushing 850 horsepower. What I am saying is that, the movie race isn't a drag race in a straight line (and even then, some of those cars would be in a different time zone before other cars got started).  It's a twisty, curvy and unpredictable affair and no one buys a Mustang because it can handle curves.  Car fans know this and so do NFS players.  Would I withdraw this complaint if they use the above mentioned BMW like NFS usually does?  Nope.  It's an American movie, so I may as well allow them to enjoy their all American star.  I mean forget that the SSC Tuatara (I couldn't pronounce it either) and Hennessey Venom GT are also all American monsters within a shout of being the fastest production car in the world.  Well I shouldn't expect them to care because of the...

3. Transformer Syndrome
I enjoyed the Tranformers movies.  In reducing quantities from 1 to 3.  It wasn't that hard.  I simply switched my higher brain functions off while watching.  It's not like it was necessary; leave it off when the big robots and explosions are around, turn it back on when they leave so you can grab a snack without eating a kitchen appliance by accident.

Brain: What are we supposed to learn from this?
Me: Learn?

What soured my experience were the "gangsta" Chevrolets in the 2nd movie and the human characters throughout all 3 (with the exception of the soldiers).  They soured my experience because I watched the Tranformers movies to see some transformers.  Michael Bay chaos was an icing on that cake.  Having the movie slow down to accomodate the humans ruined the whole set for me.  What makes it more annoying is that I say that the movie slowed down to allow the humans in, when it appears more that the transformers were allowed into the movie at intermittent points.  I forgave the soldiers because whenever they were around some bullets and explosions would be sure to follow (I did say higher brain functions weren't needed).  The "main" character especially was a thorny rose stem sticking in a donut for me.

It seems to me, that the NFS movie is going to do the same thing.  Intermittently allow high speed cars, racing and near misses to appear in this Hollywood realistic human story of revenge, love and friendship.  I can't blame them.  It will invariably make money, then there'll be a sequel or 2.  *Yayy!*  I can't wait.

Actually I can.  Because I'm a gamer and as a gamer I am very willing to dive into the actual games this movie is based on. So as a result, I'm the main character in a racing story.  Checkmate

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